Google Docs Down Again

Foiled again by Google Docs (7/8/2008 12:27 EST):



And apparently, it's not just me (love this little service, downforeveryoneorjustme):



Have I overlooked something obvious, or is it time I start looking at Zoho for my online document needs?

Gone Fishing...

The Hagbag is headed to St. Kitts tomorrow, so don't expect too many posts next week (I might pop&post a few snapshots...we'll have to see how the T-Mobile coverage is in the Caribbean).

Also, I'm in the process of writing a new song, but the only word that I can rhyme with "Spatula Prince" is "flatulence". Any help?? Thanks...

Song #7: Never Back. Always Forward

Never back. Always Forward.
I look outside and it's raining.
The paper says we've got mist rolling over the lake.
There's worse to come, and I feel it.
Your love for me is gone, and the storm clouds are ready to break.

I understand now that it's over.
There's no going back to the sunnier days of our past.
The high-water mark is still rising,
I'll try to tread the water, but I feel like I'm sinking too fast.

Chorus:
You've made me
harder than stone, where I can't feel pain anymore.
When you told me,
Your life's moving on, you packed your bags and you walked out the door.
And I gave you,
Ten years of my life and I want to go back there again.
But it's over,
And looking back towards the sun makes the darkness much harder to bear.
To beeeeaaaaaarrrrrr.

The pictures we shared are now burning.
The memories are hard; I can't stand to look at the pain.
The fire is stoked, and it's growing.
The anger that I feel's the only warmth that keeps me sustained.

But I know that one day I'll see you.
Years from this point when our lives have twisted away.
When the memories of this storm have faded.
I'll look you in the eyes and I'll finally get a chance to say.

Chorus:
You made me
harder than stone, where I couldn't feel pain anymore.
When you told me,
Your life's moving on, you packed your bags and you walked out the door.
And I gave you,
Ten years of my life and I wanted to go back there again.
But it's over,
And looking back towards the sun makes the darkness much harder to bear.
To beeeeaaaaaarrrrrr.

Tanks for Nuttin', Danny!!

Every year, I get the registration email. Every year I sign up. Every year, I get the same response. I'm gettin' pretty fed up! When are things going to start lookin' up Hagbag??

Wow...this is tough.....not going to make it...

Ok, maybe I was a little hasty when I said I'd write a song a day for a month. Does a week suffice? With all the work (and travel for work), I'm just not going to be able to write a song-a-day. I'll keep trying, though.

Waiting for my flight from Rochester to LaGuardia yesterday, I spotted a woman who looked suspiciously like Marg Helgenberger (from CSI). The closer I got, the more it looked like her. I DID take a picture, but it's not that great (I didn't want to look like a stalker):



Yeah, too blurry...TMZ, I am not. Oh, and Bill Weld was on my plane from LaGuardia to Boston. What's he doing riding coach on US Airways? Workin' for the man just doesn't pay that well, I guess.

Oh, Peter....

I'd like to do my own "Grind my Gears" segment for a moment. You know what really grinds my gears??? Know-it-alls. I was on the plane Friday, waiting to take off, when they announced that all electronic devices should be turned off. I, of course, didn't hear him because I had my noise-canceling headphones on. So the geek* (and I mean that in the nicest sense of the word) sitting next to me taps me on the shoulder and says "it's time to turn those off". Yes, he was right. It WAS time to turn them off, but was it really his place to tell me? I'm not exactly sure why, but it really irked me; I would never do that to someone. I would wait for the stewardess/steward to tell someone to turn it off. I just thought that it was a really dorky, nosy, somewhat rude thing to do. Yes, airlines have rules and they should be followed, but did this guy really feel that my headphones were going to affect the flight whatsoever? I'm sure some people will disagree, but you're entitled to your opinion. Gears grinded.

* If this guy's name wasn't Louis or Gilbert, I'll drink spoiled milk.

We interrupt this regularly scheduled program...

I was in CA all this past week, and it was difficult to find time to post. It's going to be difficult this week as well because I'll be on the road M & T, but I'll keep plugging away.

Song #6: Cincinnati Bowtie

I really don't have much to add to this, so I'll just post it. Sorry.

Cincinnati Bowtie
I'm bored with the norm.
I need something new.
My new move was born,
and tested on you.

Cinncinatti Bowtie! Cinncinatti Bowtie!
Cinncinatti Bowtie! Cinncinatti Bowtie!

Who would've known it?
They'd never believe...
the minute you shown it
another trick up my sleeve.

Cinncinatti Bowtie! Cinncinatti Bowtie!
Cinncinatti Bowtie! Cinncinatti Bowtie!

There's no tie to speak of.
No new knot to learn.
Once you've got the technique of
the "turn after turn".

Cinncinatti Bowtie! Cinncinatti Bowtie!
Cinncinatti Bowtie! Cinncinatti Bowtie!

Song #5: Something is wrong

Here's another new song! I'm really padding the portfolio, but I get the feeling that I'm losing some steam. I'll keep at it!

Something is wrong
The white light, the humming, the remnants of dreams.
No longer simple as everything seems.
The prodding, the poking, the burning, the fall.
The lightning, the metal, the shock of it all.

Where have I gone, Where have I been?
I never thought I'd ever get to see you again.
My life flashed before me, and then it was gone.
I'm back again, but something is wrong.

Something is wrooooong....I'm not myself.
Something is wrooooong....but you can't help me.
Something is wrooooong....you can't relate.
Something is wrooooong....something is wrong.

Instrumental Interlude, with Spoken:
What the hell is that! Jay! JAY!!
Did you see that? Hello? Hello?
Where'd he go? Pete...where'd Jay go?
I don't know, man. I don't know.

The screaming, the shouting, succumbed to the fear.
Make all the noise you can, but no one will hear.
Alone, alive, but someone's unseen.
Watching, and waiting, numb to the routine.

My eyes, my sight, my life from before.
I see now it's all been thrown out the door.
I'm left alone; a shell of once was.
Please stay with me; I need you because...

Something is wrooooong....I'm not myself.
Something is wrooooong....but you can't help me.
Something is wrooooong....you can't relate.
Something is wrooooong....something is wrong.

Song #4: I can't go on without you

Here we go again! My brother, HTE, thinks this songs is about marijuana. I really didn't have it in mind when I wrote the song, but now that I reread it, he might be onto something (my subconscious at work, perhaps?):

I can't go on without you
My bed is hard.
The water's cold.
I can't imagine doing this until I am old.

The raise never came.
The rent is due.
The only thing that keeps me going on is

Chorus:
You-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo...you keep me halfway sane
You-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo...you almost dull my pain.
You-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo...you always get me through.
Youooooooooooooooo...I can't go on without you.

The queue is full.
I'm always last.
I won't come back again because my time has passed.

No patience left.
My wits are few,
Get this over fast so I can run right back to

Chorus:
You-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo...you keep me halfway sane
You-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo...you almost dull my pain.
You-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo...you always get me through.
Youooooooooooooooo...I can't go on without you.

Bridge:
I can't go on without you.
I can't go on without you.
Won't even try without youooooooooooo.
I can't go on without you.
I can't go on without youoooooooooooo-hooooooo.

So take my hand,
and make me smile.
Cause' you and me are gonna be here for awhile

My love is tried.
My love is true.
No one in the world can make me feel like this but

You-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo...you keep me halfway sane
You-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo...you almost dull my pain.
You-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo...you always get me through.
Youooooooooooooooo...I can't go on without you.

Alternate Lyrics:
Born incomplete.
You make me whole.
My love for you is something that I can't control.

Damn Drivers! Go Pats!

I'm in CA this week for business. I was headed north on 95 yesterday around 12ish, on my way to the airport, when this State Trooper starts weaving back and forth between all three lanes of traffic. He's purposely trying to prevent people from getting past him, and all the while, he's slowing down. We went from 70 mph to 50 to 30 to 20 (at which point, I'm all "WTF!!!!!!!!")....ON 95!!! A MAJOR 3-LANE HIGHWAY Finally, he just stops the cruiser in the middle of the highway, and tells everyone behind him to stop with one final crossing lady gesture (hand out, palm facing everyone). At this point, I'm thinking the guy's on drugs, and he's going to systematically go from car to car, killing random drivers at they sit in their car. We're stuck in the middle of the highway, right near the Rt.1/27 onramp, and traffic is backing up all the way behind me. Suddenly, I see 20 cruisers blaring their sirens coming onto 95 from the onramp, followed by 5 huge yellow buses. IT WAS THE PATS!!! On their way to the airport. When everyone recognized what was going on, we all started honking our horns and cheering. It was very cool!!! And what was cooler than that? I was able to follow the buses all the way to the airport....fastest commute to Boston ever. Yes, it was snowing AND there were police everywhere...but I still had to take a picture with my cell phone (not the smartest thing to do, but it had to be done). Not the greatest photos, but you can kinda see yellow buses.

Song #3: Urban Heir Gansta.

I'm not sure if you've noticed it yet, but I don't really take my lyrics all that seriously. It's not like I'm wearing all black, brooding the corner, reciting Lord Byron or anything. This is for fun, so take it as such. However, if Clive Davis is reading, I'm totally serious...I'll sellout in minute.

With that said, here's my latest song: Urban Heir Gansta. Very tongue in cheek...enjoy!


Urban Heir Gansta Rap

Did I mention I have a roof-deck?
Yeah, a whole fucking roof-deck!
Sometimes, we play floor hockey up on it,
and none of this 3 on 3 bullshek.

Stainless steel makes the place look hot.
Looks fucking sweet, but it's tough to keep spot(less).
Oh, and the the fucking water dispenser is shot,
but that shit'll be fixed cause the warranty's still hot.

spoken:
5 year warranty...oh yeah...on all of it.
"Best investment" is what I say, in case this stuff breaks down.
You know, that's how we do.

Oh, shit..no smokin' up in my place!
Those curtain were expensive, and they're tough to replace!
Egyptian cotton in the master, 800 thread.
Seriously, some Egyptian woman knitted it til' her fingers bled.

And the bed, did I mention, has a vibrating frame?
It's where all the magic happens, none of the lady's the same.
Over here we got' Pacino hangin' up on the ceiling.
Gotta keep my ole' street cred alive and appealing.

Hell yeah, we got marble up in the bathroom suite.
Had to have it just because it makes the room complete.
I kinda wasted money, but I really don't care.
Cause' all I ever do is take my dumps up there.

spoken:
We had a special fan put in for just for me, baby.
Yup, turbine-operated, and all that.
Sucks like a mutha'!

Yeah, my tastes are particular, I gots ta' be choosy.
I wouldn't settle for much less than an eight person jacuzzi.
It takes up to 3 hours for that bitch to get hot.
I leave it on all the time just in case I forgot.

Forget, forgot, who the hell cares?
Come ova' here, you gotta see the new mahogany stairs.
It took 20 guys just to get the wood through the door.
Hop in the elevator and we'll continue the tour.

Yeah, C'mon upstairs, and let me show you around.
You'll get a better view of all the guards on the grounds.
And from this perspective, my new whip only looks like a speck.
And yes, by the way, this is the world's fly-est roof deck

spoken:
did I mention I have a roofdeck?
I did? I don't remember telling you about the roofdeck.
Well, we played 5 on 5 hockey up here last night...pretty sweet, right? Yeah...

Song#2: Rock Rocket

Cheesy 80's music...we all loved it at the time. Here's my best whack at it:

Rock Rocket
Steel girders headin' for the sky.
Metal to Metal, sparks are ready fly.
Pressure dropping, better hold on tight...
There's only one thing gonna make things right

Grab on tight, it's your turn to climb.
Let the music take you, this one last time.
As the light fade outs and the darkness falls
There's only one thing that can heed your calls!

Chorus:
Rock Rocket: Scream it out loud!
Rock Rocket: Ridin' the crowd!
Rock Rocket: We're doin' the deed!
Rock Rocket: Always got what you need!

Double or nothing, all bets are on
The tables are turned, but your luck is gone
Holdin' the deuces while the aces are wild
Bettin' it all cause' Lady Luck just smiled.

Bridge:
We're Climbin'.
We're Cruisin'.
Getting Higher....with YOU!!!

Chorus:
Rock Rocket: Scream it out loud!
Rock Rocket: Ridin' the crowd!
Rock Rocket: We're doin' the deed!
Rock Rocket: Always got what you need!'

What is this blog, anyway? Song #1 : My Guitar Screams

I ask myself that question every time that I post. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure. Is this blog for my benefit, or for yours, kind Reader? With that said, I'm going to take a decidedly different turn over the next few weeks, and I hope that you can at least appreciate the effort that I'm going to put in. Sure, I'll still take the time to make a funny here and there, but for the next few weeks, I'm going to try and post a new, Hagbag-original song every single day (weekend not included). I might not be Carol King, and the quality of the lyrics may be low-end at best, but I'm thinking that it might at least get my creative juices pumping. So bear with me (or not). A lot of these songs will be blues-based (because it's the lyrical form that I struggle with the least), but I won't stay exclusively in that realm.

And with that, here's #1. It's about my guitar hating me (or about my lackluster guitar chops...you decide):

My Guitar Screams
I try to do the right the thing, but alway wind up astray.
Yes, I tried to hit the E chord, but I wound up on A.
Well, my guitar screams "kill me" every time that I play.

"Please mister, please...don't you take me for a ride."
she says, "Please mister please, don't you take me for a ride.
You're the only one who ever made me think of suicide."

I treat you like a goddess,
I've wrote you many songs,
I've tried to make you love me; it seems we'll never get along.

She says "Oh baby, you know that I love you, but your hands they do betray."
Well, my guitar will always scream "kill me" every time that I play.


I have no ego, so fire away with the feedback!! Thanks!

Golf Outing (in Vegas)

I'm heading out to Vegas for a "golf outing" in April. Here's my list of to-do's:

1. Party with the "little person" at O'Hara's
2. Fire an automatic weapon
3. Drink from a football-shaped beer-dispenser
4. Make back what I lost last time
5. Call the asshole craps dealer at Hooter's "Louie Anderson" again.
6. Eat a 40-ounce steak
7. Go the entire trip without making a "Thunder Down Under" reference.
8. Latch onto some inane casino song, and repeat it over and over
9. NO "Let it Ride"...No, I'm serious this time. Seriously....OK, maybe once.
   
10. Get Ball silly-drunk again at Harrah's. It's not his bachelor party, but still hella-funny.

Don't be mad, baby...you know I love you. Song # 1/2: Whiskey in Franklin

It's been awhile, and I realize that I've neglected you for way too long. I'm sorry, baby...I swear that HagBag will never do that again. Oh, c'mon baby...don't be that way...you know that I love you, and that I'd never hurt you, right? I wrote a song for you...do you want to hear it? No?!? But baby...I wrote it for you! It goes:

Whiskey in Franklin, tryin' to find my way home.
Yes whiskey in Franklin, tryin' to find my way home.
I've been spending too many days crying, can't spend another night alone.

I've been drinkin' baby, please excuse what I say.
Yes, I've been drinkin' sweetheart, please excuse what I say.
The words always go in one direction when I want them to go the other way.

Well I called my baby once,
I called me baby twice,
I don't remember what I said, I only pray that it was nice.

Well, I had Whiskey in Franklin, now I'm on my way home.
I've spent too many days a'crying, can't spend another night alone.


Are we cool now, Baby? Yeah....that's what I thought. Get over here, sweetheart.