Ode' to Barry Sobel...

Here's a little cover that I wrote, which "Andy's Red Rocket" might someday work into their playlist. It's played to the tune of "Hotel California"...chords go along like Bm F# A E, G D Em F#...or something like that. Why this subject...why not?

Hotel Coral Essex

On a bright sunny freeway,
near the Florida shore,
warm sand on the beaches,
Spring Break's in full bore.

Well, we looked in the phone book,
for a nice place to stay.
Gilbert called, and there were rooms to spare,
so Louis showed us the way.

Mirrors on the ceiling,
Fake rocks on the floor.
He screwed* Betty in the Moon Room,
till' she begged for more.

Poindexter on electric,
Booger Presley on Guitar.
Admiral Wormser rockin' on the mic',
with his gay friend Lamar.

Last thing I remember, as they left us on the beach,
student council's gonna vote us out, and Gilbert they'll impeach.
But orge's gonna help us, and Stan will rue the day.
We'll drive our tank into the swimming pool,
and they'll hear us say-hay:

Livin' it up at the Hotel Corral Essex,
what a wretched hole,
it'll stain your soul.

Livin' it up at the Hotel Corral Essex,
what a damn surpise,
Nerds in Paradise....

*Note: Technically, this is from Revenge, not Paradise, AND what Louis did to Betty was technically rape...so you can change "screwed" to "raped" for the "Dope Blue Remix".

Take your IPod and stick it!!

Ipod made Google's 2005 Zeitgeist list for Top Froogle search term. You know what? Take your frigging Ipod with it's terabyte of data, and shove it up your ass. I am SO sick and tired of hearing about Ipod this and Ipod that and Ipod cradle and Ipod Shuffle and Ipod skins and ITunes and Ipod Nano and "Help, I lost my Ipod on the Redline!". Yes, it's a great product, and yes, it's got a great simple/stupid interface, and yes, it has plenty of storage, and yes, it comes in a myriad of colors to satisfy our occular senses....but for Christ's sake, I'm sick of it. Advertising up the goddamned ying-yang in every medium....please, just stop. We get it...we really do. Everyone complains about gas prices, yet no one seems to make a peep about a $300 walkman...am I going insane here?!!??

This is my dog.

This is my dog, Andy. He's a big, friendly bastard who loves everyone...and it's obvious. He's been neutered, but his junk won't quit. Go git' em, boy!

Sidenote: He usually doesn't wear that "kerchief" around his neck (I wouldn't degrade him like that). My wife wanted to send this picture (or a similiar facsimile) out as a Christmas card one year, and she didn't see it. I saw it, and I still wanted to send it out as a card.

It's baseball season again...Wait...Is It? Treo Pics #3

What with all the recent Boston baseball hub-bub, I thought I'd revert back to some baseball related picture from the Ole' Treo 600:


This is a "He doesn't know that I'm taking a picture of him" picture of Chappy at Camden Yards this past summer. We got tickets from G-Dubya (or G-Dub, if you will) to sit in the OWNER'S BOX. Yes, it was as boss as boss can get. I'm not exactly sure what Chappy was thinking at this point in time, but I can tell you what I was thinking..."This is going to be a pretty funny picture of Chappy". It looks like he's trying to blow an invisible trumphet. Shout out to Chappy!


This is Bomber. Bomber drunk. Night-Night, Bomber. Night-Night.


What' up, G-Dub? Peace in da Middle East, Y'all!

Ah yes, Camden yards from the owner's box; it was both a beautiful and tragic day all wrapped into one. It was beautiful because the tickets and accoutrements (beer, food, dessert, etc) were FREE (I ate my weight in burgers that day, my friend)! It was tragic because 1)we had to watch Rafael Palmeiro walk all over the Red Sox, while we all knew that he was a juicer and 2)this experience spoiled us, thus sullying any future baseball excursions.

The warehouse. You know, up close, it looks like, well, a warehouse.


And this little gem, ladies and gentlemen, is Shea Stadium Bask in all it's vastness. I went on a work trip to NYC this past summer (sometime before we went to Camden), met up with G-Dub later that afternoon, and we went to a Mets/Cinn game. I was made *gasp* an honorary Mets fan that day because I cheered along with the locals. It was a fun night. Did you know that you can carry open containers on the train to and from the game? Excellent!

I'd try it...

Would you try a kangaroo steak? I would...I bet it tastes similiar to deer (which I like). I have friends who are fevently against veal and duck-liver (foie gras, for you uppity types) mainly because of the way these animals are treated prior to slaughter. Yet, they eat steak and chicken on a weekly basis, which seems a little hypocritical to me. I like veal, but I certainly don't need it, but it's not going to go away, so I'll occasionally order it, and it's really, really good. Now foie gras, that's an issue I can take a stand on, because it tastes like shit. Anyway, Australia NEEDS to cull the herd, so I think this is a great idea. While they're at it, I say throw in a few kuala steaks as well...I bet they're REALLY tender.

Bathroom Humor

It occurred to me the other day as I was walking out of the bathroom at the Fours that there have been some serious upgrades to the standard public restroom in the last five years...and yet I am still not convinced that these changes have made it any less probable that I'll catch something communicable in these places. They have the auto-flush toilet, the auto-soap dispenser, the auto-sink...some places even have the auto-toilet paperthingy coverer (O'Hare has these...they're very impressive). What I don't understand is that whilst many places utilize these new conveniences, 99% of these locales still utilize a "pull" door in order to leave the restroom. So you can go through the whole "bathroom experience" whilst not actually touching anything, but then they still expect you to put your hand on the door on the way out! I ALWAYS wash my hands, but there are plenty of men who do not. I've seen co-workers come out of the stall and walk right out the door, with nary a thought of washing their hands (this is when I worked in an office, mind you). And to worsen the matter, some public restrooms still have actual door knobs on their doors...so that you really work the grime and bacteria of the non-washers directly into your freshly washed hands (Friday the 13th was scary when I was 10....The WeatherLane's bathroom door knobs are what keep me awake at night at 31). Please, for my sake, change all bathroom doors so that they are push instead of pull (or sliding, like in Star Trek)....or at least remove the door knobs and make the door a swinger. I've been reduced to using my shirt (or a paper towel) to leave most restrooms, and I look like such a wuss.

On that note: Has anyone ever gone to use one of those auto-sinks, and felt as foolish as I have when it doesn't turn on, and then you have to resort to doing the "sink dance"?? You sit there for a few seconds, waving your hands like a moron, and yet the sink doesn't turn on. And then you have to switch to another sink, and it does the same thing?? Meanwhile, people are coming and going, not having a problem, and you suddenly look like the "bathroom leper". Yes, that's always me.