How come nothing like this ever happens to me?

Can you guess what my favorite line from this article is?? Go on...guess:

• "slowly descended herself"...Nope.
• "see the Earth coming"...No ma'am!
• "ice in her lightweight flying suit and frost bite to her face"...that's not right.
• "an attack by two large eagles"...DING DING DING...WE HAVE A WINNER

Eagles?!?!? A coordinated eagle attack??? Dammit...I wish I could've seen that. GAAWWWWWWKKKK!!!!!!