Tuesday, April 04, 2006

"That's a lot of Cereal!!!"

Do you know how many bowls of your cereal it would take to equal one bowl of "Super Colon Blow"?? Neither do I, but I do have a better sense now that I've started a cleansing diet. After 31 years of desecrating my body, I decided last week that I would do something to flush out the "ole' system". It's been something that I've meant to do for quite awhile, but have never had time/will power to do. Well, about 2 week ago, I was talking to my chiropractor... (SCHREECH!!!!)

No, I'm not one of those tree hugging, all natural, holisitic healing, hippie-types. I have back problems, OK? Doctors couldn't help me, but a chiropractor did. And now I'm telling you about my cleansing diet and you're probably thinking "Oh my...he's one of those weirdos, all right". Nope...just willing to try new things.

...and he told me about this diet and that he felt great after doing it. So investigate the diet, and decided to give it a try. No, the diet does not involve the use of multiple enemas, you sick bastard!! It's basically a 10-day, all liquid diet called the "Master Cleanser". I drink 6-8 glasses of a specially concocted lemonade (freshly squeezed lemon juice, grade B syrup, pinch of cayenne pepper), with a morning quart of salt water (1 quart water, 2 teaspoons seasalt). The lemonade keeps me going all day, and the salt water "flushes me out" every morning.

I'm on day 3 right now, and I feel pretty darn good. I haven't been hungry because the lemonade actually does the trick. Although, T did come home last night and cooked kielbasa and pierogies....and I must admit, there was a moment of weakness when I ALMOST broke (I stared at the pan for what seemed like an eternity...Oh kielbasa!!...Sausage of Kings...and your plump little potato pawns...Why do you tempt me so??). I extricated myself from the kitchen, and drank a little more lemonade. This a truly a test of will power, and I think I can make it.

BTW: I've lost 7 pounds in 2 days.